Everything You Feel Is Being Recorded

By Janel

My thirteen year-old daughter and I were watching a birth in a movie recently. After the baby was born a medical person said to the grandmother, "You're a grandmother!" My daughter turned me and said, with a disbelieving eye roll, "Jeesh, like she wasn't before the baby was born?" Out of the mouths of babes, as they say. Of course, the woman was a grandmother from the "moment of conception" if you are pro-life; or if you are pro-choice, from the moment the woman decided to keep her baby. For me, I was a grandmother before my grandsons were conceived, before I even knew it.

At birth a baby will already know the voices of his mother and father and others in their environment. It is odd that our society acts as if the life of the baby, and his or her relationships, only begin at that moment when we first SEE them. Some say the relationship between mother, father and baby began even before conception, but certainly from that moment on. A mother knows this as she can feel how her baby responds to her within her. Yet, during labor and birth talking to the baby can raise many eyebrows.

I connected with my grandson in utero even though we were fifteen hundred miles apart during his gestation and I physically spent only one week with them during that time. I did so most easily through talking with my daughter, supporting her, laughing with her almost daily, always talking to and acknowledging him. Miles away I would quiet myself and connect to him and talk to him. His mother desperately wanted me there for his birth, a VBAC. I am aware that babies know who they want there as well. I talked to him all of the time about if he didn't want me there, if that's not what he wants and needs, it's ok. Just like I do with a mother and baby I support during pregnancy, labor, birth, and post-partum.

I was there, with days to spare, and I talked to him throughout labor, telling him who was in the room and why, telling him how much I loved him and his mommy. I told him how it would feel when the epidural came on, but that mommy was right there. She'd be sleeping. I held her during the procedure that was botched and she had two entry wounds. I held her like a mother holds a baby. I was holding him as well. I was the first human to speak TO him after his birth as I shielded him, barely touching him, as long as I could from the neonatalogist and his nurse's brutal resuscitation. "Andrew, it's Granny. I am so happy you are here." Have you ever noticed how mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. will just barely touch a newborn baby - as if, in a knowing of just how gentle the touch is that a baby needs?

How my daughter felt in response to me created hormones that created more emotions. That's how we humans work. This was part of programming her child, and in particular, how my grandson will feel about me in a core way has to do with how his mother felt about me DURING pregnancy, labor and birth. Every billion cells in his newborn brain knows I love him, saw him, protected him, supported him. It is possible, I believe, for his mother to hate me some day and HE will not, because of his early fetal programming. Sadly, for many, it could work the other way. The mother hates or is angry with her spouse, her mother, etc during pregnancy, labor and birth, and later in life they reconcile, but will the child's brain be able to make that shift as well? I wonder. I wonder about all of the fascinating possibilities. Will the baby of a pregnant woman fighting with Dr. Amy have a neural connection for the name Amy, for doctors, for homebirth? I wonder.

When my daughter spoke to me during gestation she had a different emotional experience than when she was at work with seventh graders all day long, or in rush hour city traffic, or towards her live-in mother-in-law. My daughter's hormonal, physiological responses created by her emotions and relationship with me are a part of my grandson's experience. So is every the pregnant woman I treat compassionately, respectfully, and kindly. I am very conscious of the baby of every pregnant women I meet -- even at the store. I treat her as if she is doing the most important thing a woman can do on this planet. I am aware and regardful of the baby of the woman who has posted here.

Whether it is the first or fifth pregnancy, or a vaginal, cesarean, or a VBAC, it is important for mother's to consciously begin to create the relationship she wants with her baby during pregnancy. A woman builds a baby that is structured to live in that particular environment. The only way a developing fetus and unborn knows the outside world is through the mother's physiology , thoughts, emotions, and voice. A baby experiences it whether mother communicates directly with him or her or not. She can learn to differentiate for her baby what SHE feels that she does not want her baby to feel or be stressed by. For example, "My sweet baby, I am feeling very sad and abandoned because your father has decided not to be a part of my life and your birth, but that is my feeling about him, NOT YOU. I want you and I love you. I will do my best to care for you." A woman who can develop the relationship with her unborn, regardless of their circumstances, will have a better awareness of her baby and his or her needs and plan for birth. She'll be able to stay connected with her baby during labor and birth.

We all know nutrition is needed to create a physically healthy baby. We all know that a happy and calm mother is important. Whatever a mom feels and thinks -- joys, fear, worries, and hopes -- are a part of the prenatal programming of her baby's physiology, emotions, perspectives of the self and world, and personality. How else can a person be but how they were built? Want a peaceful baby? Have a peaceful gestation, labor, and birth. What a baby who feels loved, nurtured, and safe on the planet? Start in the womb to nurture, love, and protect. Do so in labor and birth and first days of life.

Somehow we know the prenate takes in everything that is good and loving, and even when there is a tragedy in a woman's life during her pregnancy; but, rarely does one fully engage the logic and science of fetal programming for every baby and every experience in utero. The science and knowing doesn't yet translate into a social agreement that we must treat every pregnant mom and baby with the utmost care and respect, knowing what we do to her and for her, we do to and for the baby as well. The baby is flooded and programmed, during his or her development, with whatever hormones the mother's experience create in her body. A mother ought to protect her unborn from people and situations that create negative emotions, thoughts, and worries -- including those who would disrespect her feelings about the baby and her birth choices.

We humans like to think unborn babies will remember the good stuff and forget the bad stuff. Sometimes the pregnancy is unplanned and an unwanted surprise, or the father leaves the relationship, or work and finances are stressful. Worry with unresolved fears and anger from previous cesareans can affect mother and baby during pregnancy. A mother-to-be who gave birth by Cesarean, especially emergency or unwanted, will have many emotions and worries come up during pregnancy. All of these issues and worries can be mediated anytime during pregnancy or after, by the mother having loving support, being aware of her emotions, and by communication with the baby.

Dr. Frederick Wirth, a neonatalogist explains scientifically how the communication between mother and baby happens and how to create conscious, nurturing communication prenatally. Two other leaders in the field have also written excellent books for parents-to-be that are scientifically grounded and excellent resources.

Prenatal Parenting by Frederick Wirth, MD - www.PrenatalParenting.com

Prenatal Prescription by Peter Nathaniels, MD (OB), PhD (Vet) (for parents-to-be)(Also author of Life Before Birth: The Challenges of Fetal Development and Life in the Womb: The Origin of Health and Disease - MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE BOOKS. As an obstetrician and animal researcher, Dr. Nathanielsz has compiled his own research findings as well as those from the field of fetal programming. The last two are very science oriented and are must reads for anyone who wants to know about the physiological processes of pregnancy, labor, and birth.

Secret Life of the Unborn Baby, Parenting Your Unborn Child, and Nurturing The Unborn Child (with Pamela Weintraub). All three by Thomas Verney, MD at http://www.trvernymd.com/. He is co-founder of the Association for Pre and Perinatal Psychology

I can't believe I forgot my dear colleague's site. Gerald Vind, PhD, neurobiology, developer of Prental ReImprinting at www.pnri.net. Amazing information for pregnant women on his site.