Just one very sad story -- what can be learned?

It is SYSTEMS that I am against, not the people in the systems. It is the lack of social and political will to address the vagaries of our systems -- social services, education, political, and, yes, the medical and in particular, obstetrics -- that really concern me. The denial of the impact of medicalized birth -- drugs, interventions, surgery, disrespectful treatment -- on the baby, the mother, and the father keep us a wounded walking numb society of people.

Stories like the one below raise a lot of questions. The death of a young woman in childbirth (most likely a hospital birth in a military hospital where all of our best skills for obstetrics originate) says as much about our society than it does this one, lone traumatized soldier on the worst days of his life. This family's story highlights the disparaging, pitifully inadequate and harmful lack of political and social will and compassion for providing support for families. Families birthing, families with loved-ones deployed, families with a traumatic experience and loss of a family member. Here we have the collision of all three -- a mother dies in childbirth while her husband is serving in the war, and he kills the baby.

Where is the collective, compassionate commitment for caring for women, babies and the family in our society?

2006-11-28
Marine Arrested in Baby Son's Death
Associated Press
STATESIDE INCIDENT: 1 murder.

A 20-year old Marine who had been deployed to a training camp in Kuwait with the Ninth Communication Battalion from Camp Pendleton and who "was called back...to be with his ailing wife just before she died of childbirth complications was arrested on suspicion of murdering his newborn son."

He had previously told a local TV station that he "felt overwhelmed as a single parent of two and struggled to accept his son. `I didn't know how to feel about him. The same day he was born, my wife died,' he told KMPH in Fresno. `The feelings inside of me, I kind of wanted to push him away, but he's my son. My wife gave him to me.'"

His was jailed on charges of beating his 3-month old son. The death of his wife burdened him. He wrote on his personal web page, "For those of you who don't know, my beautiful wife ... died. Just because you see me smile and you see me laugh doesn't come close to the way I feel inside. I will never be as happy as I was until I'm with my wife again."

Where is the social regard for the importance of a woman birthing a baby and our families in the US having adequate resources during the child's infancy?

How can we not see the actions of medical birth are traumatizing to a woman, her baby, and her husband? How can we not see that our soldiers are asked to do what is beyond our comprehension while leaving their spouse and children home -- with substandard, if any support and care during and after their deployment? How can we not see that ANY grieving parent needs our compassion and truly adequate care and support. Once one leaves the hospital with a perfect, NICU, or deceased baby -- what is the responsibility of our society to support one another?? Can care and compassion be politicized or legislated as in George Bush senior's "Points of Light" that flickered and quickly sputtered or Billary's not-so-new or original concept of "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child." (published when I worked for the state of NY in 1999. We trained 100 such "villages" in the "Show Me" state - Missouri - in 1990 to address the drug problems in our communities, while the use of narcotics during the baby's birth has since increased to almost 80% of all births.)

When, oh, when, will we begin to examine the impact of medicalized birth on women and babies (boys, too) on increasing drug addiction, violence, depression, and apathy?

The natural, homebirth community tends to be more peer organized in local, grassroots groups that emotionally, physically, and spiritually support one another. Midwives, Doulas, LeLeche and Attachment Parenting type groups, Organic Foods, and other cooperatives seem to be providing ways for women and families to support others and to all receive support as equal community members.

We have a lot to learn from these communities that cannot be learned in "empirical studies" that steer social changes under the guise of fact in our psychological and medical caregiver's educations and programs. We have a lot to learn about reaching out to other human beings rather than donating money to a group or program to do so.

Reach out in love and compassion to a young birthing family, not with judgement, but with acts of kindness and generosity of time and support. One of the beautiful things of homebirth, midwifery, and doulaing is the nurturing of the mother whom one knows and values and the development of a true and caring relationship beyond those few hours of birth. Every doula and midwife I know would be there in a heart beat for any of her babies whose birth she participated. Has anyone had their OB come by with a meal and hold the baby or bathe your older child while you sleep? Do you invite you OB and L/D nurse to your baby's birthday party? How many more lives can be improved, and some actually saved by loving, caring compassionate, reciprocal, relational caring during the most critical time of a baby and family's lives and in times of need? I can't research it, and psychology and obstetrics won't do it, but I betcha the number is pretty high.