The Other Side of the Glass

Part One was officially released June 2013 in digital distribution format. To purchase to to If you were a donor and want to download your copy send an email to

The trailer

Sunday, March 25, 2007

"Baby Cry"

I am so mesmerized by the Frapr map on this blog and I have been so excited to see new states and countries appear. I call out to my daughter -- "I got an Africa!!" or "Got Paris!! or "Woo hooo, got Japan!" and she rolls her eyes (we have only computer online so all she wants is her turn.) Now, just as the map was filling up and I'd be saying, "Oaaah, c'mon Idaho, I need an Idaho," or "C'mon, Germany", some are disappearing. It's great spring weather here and the windows are open --- my neighbors probably think I am playing the longest game ever of some new version of Monopoly and wish I'll win soon. It's doesn't look likely. "Oh, mama, Paris is gone!" "What happened to Alaska?" Alaska was the first to go, and then Phoenix, then the Kansas visitors, and then Egypt, and Turkey, and China, and a couple in UK. "Dang! Where are all the Californias?" I can't figure out why they are disappearing. Even my friend Peg's has disappeared and she is still here and she didn't remove it.

So, I am being a "baby cry" about it. Waaaaauhuhwaaaauhuhwaaaa uuhuhh waaaaaaaaaaaaah.

When GI Joe was about twelve and someone was being a whiner he would call them a "baby cry." It was more of an observation and acknowledgement than a judgement initially.

His little sister, "Pooh" (as he called her) fussing about wanting something -- "What a baby cry." He did grow to enjoy her tearful reaction a little too much as she got older. Four year olds don't want to be referred to as a baby! Nor, do most adults when they are whining and crying.

His friend complaining about losing the neighborhood hoop contest -- "What a baby cry."

Me fussing about my lunch I ordered at a restaurant -- "Ohahh, what a baby cry." Me fussing about my food is typical -- it's funny to them now. They expect it. I am a good cook, know what I want, and I am paying good money for a dinner, so I want it to be my way. Even if it's cheap I want it to be my way. Do you KNOW how hard it is to get a meatless taco at Taco Bell -- with just the right amount of beans that aren't too dry or too runny?

As I studied pre and perinatal psychology and trauma healing I began to appreciate this GI Joe phrase more -- he has many. A "baby cry" for a toddler, child, teen, or adult is the expression of a very early experience and wounding. It is when we didn't get a need met and we just kept trying and it has become a way of our being and functioning in the world. These also become seen as "bad" or "dysfunctional" or "naughty" (unless you are in UK and it's a term of endearment) behavior in our society. "He's a sore loser." "She's a picky eater." "She's a complainer." "He's a procrastinator."

Everyone of us has done this and we have seen it over and over with our friends, colleagues, and loved ones. It's what makes life and relationships so confusing --- you say or do something that seems pretty harmless and maybe even straight forward and simple. The other person overreacts, totally from what seems to be "left field" for you or completely misses or distorts your intention (or what you think in your neocortex is your intention - we all behave through the perceptions of our baby brain -- Limbic system. Our "inner baby".) The other is more in an emotional body reaction and verbally spewing what seems really unrelated, or is just unable to even articulate what they are feeling. This is a preverbal experience in an adult body. "Baby Cries."

In the Castellino work we learn that physical or emotional pain is "the baby crying". These weird reactions and tantrums people have are their inner baby brain running through their neocortex, learned brain. In the eighties we had the emergence of the concept of the "inner child" and we learned that as adults we had the responsibility to re-parent our wounded child in order to find happiness , harmony, and relationships. It was prominent in the field of drug addiction treatment as the drug addiction is only a symptom of deeper issues. John Bradshaw was an effective author and training. After studying the work of William Emerson, ( and his work in the roots of violence and addiction and healing cord and cesarean I rented video of Bradshaw's PBS presentations. ( It was amazing how he and his work already spoke to the conception, prenatal, birth, and early infancy needs of the child. I mean, really, is it logical that if a drunk couple conceives a baby that that person might also have problems with alcohol?

Sooooo, why does it matter to me if my pins on my map are disappearing?? I dunnooooooo, ahhwwwaaa. That's preverbal! I know the energy of it has to do with my primal period and early infancy. So, when something comes up for me, I know it is mine to work. I know that my birth -- drugs to slow and augment, mother supine with saddleblock, tired and frustrated doctor, cord 2-1/2 times, broken clavicle, forceps, immediate cord clamp, separation from my mother -- has led me to my passion to make birth aware, safe, and gentle for every baby. I didn't have my biological impulse for birth and it wasn't aware, gentle, or safe. I didn't get my way. I know that every baby needs to share his or her experience of her birth and have those most important to her acknowledge her. This is where our need for acknowledge comes from. As you know, our need for acknowledgement can get us into very emotional and sometimes pathological situations -- at work, and with friends and loved ones. Birth is both a struggle for the baby and has moment of joy and triumph. I want everyone in the world to know about the new research that supports what the field of pre and perinatal psych is saying. My baby who was so hurt and whose pain was so unacknowledged wants every baby to have a gentle, aware birth. My inner baby wants everyone in the world to know.

An amazing obstetrician, Eva Grundberg, MD, from Venezuela spoke at the Association for Pre and Perinatal Psychology and Health in LA in February. One of the many, many gems was the idea that the breast fed baby, the baby fed on demand, will know trust and believe in prosperity. When the baby cries for the breast and it is right there, the baby will know in HER BODY AND BRAIN that whatever she needs is there. She is not learning struggle and sacrifice -- she is learning trust and available, the secret to prosperity in life. Babies breastfed on demand will not have to have the movie The Secret to have prosperity.

I and my first two children were breastfed but with the conventional thinking of the time that is JUST now being acknowledged as wrong --- that babies SHOULD only be fed every THREE to 4 hours. Now we know they must be fed on demand. As a breastfed baby, I know, want, and trust the "good stuff" (breastfeeding and all that it is) AND fed on a forced schedule, I often have to cry and fuss for awhile before I get it. One of the most significant learnings from the healing work is the concept of honoring our birth as we are healing the violations and disruptions. It also creates our life long journey. Mine sure reflects my early experience. Anyone who enters into the energy of understanding who there are from their primal period learns extraordinary information to shift their lives. It's zero about me ever being like the person who is born at home, in water, unclamped cord, only known and trusted caregivers, and only in my mother's arms and at her breast for three straight days. It's about me accepting me and living in my body.

The adult me knows now that I need to care for and protect my "inner baby" and my adult self is able to find the resources. I managed to do the html code to get the map on there -- I can learn what is going on and how to fix it. I don't have to cry, yell at my dog or daughter, or hit my computer. And, a joy and a resource (that we look for in the birth experience) is that I know that all of us around the world with the passion for making birth aware, gentle, and safe, we are coming together.


Gena said...

I'm (Minneapolis) still on the map! I had to check! I'm sure you've already checked the Frappr website for info but I found these two items in the FAQ; maybe one or both apply to the problem with your map:

"46. Why don't all of the member markers show up on my Map?
To ensure speedy loading of your Frappr page we have set the map to only load 50 markers each time it opens. It randomly selects 50 so that each time you load or refresh the page it will be a different combination. At this time it is not possible to alter the number of markers that show, but you can click on the link under the map labeled "show all markers" to show them all while you're currently viewing the page.

"47. I clicked on "show all markers" and I still don't see my marker.
Your marker may be hidden by another person who lives in your area. When you zoom in you should be able to see all the markers, but if you live too close together they might pile on top of each other in the more zoomed out views. We are working on a fix for this. "

I hope you get this figured out. I totally know what you mean about getting mesmerized by your map. I get that way about things too. It's really exciting to feel connected to the rest of the world. It's like the cord got unclamped!

Baby Keeper said...

Thanks Gina! I appreciate your help.

It is exciting to have a connection around the world. My favorite song as a child was "It's a Small World After All" and I had a record of it until my little sister colored on it. I used to collect dolls from around the world. Last year I went to Epcot and I loved it!

I agree -- the cord is getting unclamped. It's amazing when one thinks about it -- and the power of the nurse and doctor to make a difference in a human life -- how different life could be for our babies if we would change what we do in the first five minutes of life.


"Soft is the heart of a child. Do not harden it."

A public awareness reminder that things that happen behind the scenes, out of our sight, aren't always as rosy as we might think them to be. Perhaps its a restaurant cook who accidentally drops your burger on the floor before placing it on the bun and serving it to you. Here it's an overworked apathetic (pathetic) nurse giving my newborn daughter her first bath. Please comment and rate this video, so as to insure that it is viewed as widely as possible, perhaps to prevent other such abuse. -- The mother who posted this YouTube. How NOT to wash a baby on YouTube Are you going to try to tell me that "babies don't remember?" There is no difference to this baby's experience and the imprinting of her nervous system/brain and one that is held and cleaned by the mother or father either at the hospital or at home? By the way, this is probably NOT the baby's first bath. The nurse is ungloved. Medical staff protocol is that they can't handle a baby ungloved until is has been bathed (scrubbed if you've seen it) because the baby is a BIO-HAZARD -- for them. Never mind that the bio-hazard IS the baby's first line of defense against hospital germs.

Missouri Senator Louden Speaks

Finally, A Birth Film for Fathers

Part One of the "The Other Side of the Glass: Finally, A Birth Film for and about Men" was released June, 2013.

Through presentation of the current research and stories of fathers, the routine use of interventions are questioned. How we protect and support the physiological need of the human newborn attachment sequence is the foundation for creating safe birth wherever birth happens.

Based on knowing that babies are sentient beings and the experience of birth is remembered in the body, mind, and soul, fathers are asked to research for themselves what is best for their partner and baby and to prepare to protect their baby.

The film is designed for midwives, doulas, and couples, particularly fathers to work with their caregivers. Doctors and nurses in the medical environment are asked to "be kind" to the laboring, birthing baby, and newborn. They are called to be accountable for doing what science has been so clear about for decades. The mother-baby relationship is core for life. Doctors and nurses and hospital caregivers and administrators are asked to create protocols that protect the mother-baby relationship.

Men are asked to join together to address the vagaries of the medical system that harm their partner, baby and self in the process of the most defining moments of their lives. Men are asked to begin to challenge the system BEFORE they even conceive babies as there is no way to be assured of being able to protect his loved ones once they are in the medical machine, the war zone, on the conveyor belt -- some of the ways that men describe their journey into fatherhood in the medicine culture.

Donors can email to get a digital copy.
Buy the film at

The film focuses on the male baby, his journey from the womb to the world and reveals healing and integrating the mother, father, and baby's wounded birth experience. The film is about the restoring of our families, society, and world through birthing loved, protected, and nurtured males (and females, of course). It's about empowering males to support the females to birth humanity safely, lovingly, and consciously.

Finally, a birth film for fathers.

What People Are Saying About the FIlm

Well, I finally had a chance to check out the trailer and .. wow! It's nice that they're acknowledging the father has more than just cursory rights (of course mom's rights are rarely acknowledged either) and it's great that they're bringing out the impact of the experience on the newborn, but I'm really impressed that they're not shying away from the political side.

They are rightly calling what happens in every American maternity unit, every day, by its rightful name - abuse. Abuse of the newborn, abuse of the parents and their rights, abuse of the supposedly sacrosanct ethical principal of patient autonomy and the medico-legal doctrine of informed consent, which has been long ago discarded in all but name. I love it!

In the immortal words of the "shrub", "bring it on!" This film needs to be shown and if I can help facilitate or promote it, let me know.

Father in Asheville, NC

OMG'ess, I just saw the trailer and am in tears. This is so needed. I watch over and over and over as fathers get swallowed in the fear of hospitals birth practice. I need a tool like this to help fathers see how very vital it is for them to protect their partner and baby. I am torn apart every time I see a father stand back and chew his knuckle while his wife is essentially assaulted or his baby is left to lie there screaming.
Please send me more info!!!!
Carrie Hankins
CD(DONA), CCCE, Aspiring Midwife

Thanks for sharing this. It was very touching to me. I thought of my brother-in-law standing on the other side of the glass when my sister had to have a C-section with her first child because the doctor was missing his golf date. I'll never forget his pacing back and forth and my realizing that he was already a father, even though he hadn't been allowed to be with his son yet.

Margaret, Columbia, MO

In case you don't find me here

Soon, I'll be back to heavy-duty editing and it will be quiet here again. I keep thinking this blog is winding down, and then it revives. It is so important to me.

I wish I'd kept a blog of my journey with this film this past 10 months. It's been amazing.

I have a new blog address for the film, and will keep a journal of simple reporting of the journey for the rest of the film.

I'll be heading east this week to meet with a group of men. I plan to post pictures and clips on the film blog.

I'll keep up here when I can -- when I learn something juicy, outrageous, or inspiring related to making birth safer for the birthing baby.

Review of the film

Most of us were born surrounded by people who had no clue about how aware and feeling we were. This trailer triggers a lot of emotions for people if they have not considered the baby's needs and were not considered as a baby. Most of us born in the US were not. The final film will include detailed and profound information about the science-based, cutting-edge therapies for healing birth trauma.

The full film will have the interviews of a wider spectrum of professionals and fathers, and will include a third birth, at home, where the caregivers do a necessary intervention, suctioning, while being conscious of the baby.

The final version will feature OBs, RNs, CNMs, LM, CPM, Doulas, childbirth educators, pre and perinatal psychologists and trauma healing therapists, physiologists, neurologists, speech therapists and lots and lots of fathers -- will hopefully be done in early 2009.

The final version will include the science needed to advocated for delayed cord clamping, and the science that shows when a baby needs to be suctioned and addresses other interventions. Experts in conscious parenting will teach how to be present with a sentient newborn in a conscious, gentle way -- especially when administering life-saving techniques.

The goal is to keep the baby in the mother's arms so that the baby gets all of his or her placental blood and to avoid unnecessary, violating, and abusive touch and interactions. When we do that, whether at home or hospital, with doctor or midwife, the birth is safe for the father. The "trick" for birthing men and women is how to make it happen in the hospital.

Birth Trauma Healing

Ani DeFranco Speaks About Her Homebirth

"Self-Evident" by Ani DeFranco

Patrick Houser at

Colin speaks out about interventions at birth