The Womb is a School and All Babies Attend

The Womb is a School and All Babies Attend

By David B. Chamberlain, Ph.D*

The womb of a mother during pregnancy has been thought of as a veiled, largely silent refuge where babies develop in peace and safety for about nine months before birth. Construction was considered an assembly line process in which all babies got built from genetically-influenced, but basically similar parts. In this scheme, mothers had little to do beyond eating sensibly and taking prenatal vitamins while dads, having made their unique gift of sperm to start the process, were basically in a holding pattern until the real baby materialized at birth. Babies, on the other hand, were regarded as passive passengers, incapable of sensation or communication, without passion or purpose, and clearly beyond reach. In that ancient 20^th Century culture (actually not long ago) everybody knew that parenting began after birth.

Today thanks to lots of new science surrounding human gestation, pregnancy is a whole new world for parents and babies! It turns out that just about everything from conception to birth depends on a matrix of interactions between all parties, is fraught with both physical and psychological hazards, charged with motion and emotion, and the final outcome is more heavily influenced by the immediate environment—principally the intimate world of the parents—than by the genes involved. It turns out that babies possess powers of awareness that were overlooked, have senses nobody counted, and a vulnerable psyche absorbing information from all its experiences in the womb. And surprise, surprise, in this school room, parents are the teachers--ready or not.

In this precarious situation, here are some quick tips for parents who sense they are out of synch with the new facts of life before birth. First, reorient yourself in time to the fact that parenting starts before conception (not after birth) when you still have a chance to clean up your act before the sperm meets the egg. You will know what you need to change to get ready. Second, unload any ideas that clutter your mind about the pitiful ignorance and incapacities of babies and gamble on the opposite notion they are amazing humans who would like to grow up in your family. Third, don’t be fooled by their size, including the size of their brains, and immediately begin looking for their heart and spirit. Fourth, get right to work communicating with all the babies who cross your path; you need practice in communicating one mind to another. Your words, so communicated, will explain, support, and heal through every challenge life brings. Fifth, and finally, turn on daily the high energy nutrients of affection and laughter, the secret “glue” that holds families together.

*David is a psychologist and member of Birth and Early Parenting Educators. More about that group at www.BEPE.info. David is also editor of birthpsychology.com and noted for his popular book The Mind of Your Newborn Baby, now in 12 languages.

David also is co-founder of the Association for Pre and Perinatal Psychology and Health (APPPAH) at www.birthpsychology.com

Back in the ring ... to help my colleague

My colleague, Jill Chase, PhD, has entered into the web of another blog. The discussion is on waterbirth and Jill posted info from our field of pre and perinatal birth psychology. Jill and I are both members of the Association for Pre and Perinatal Psychology and Birth and BEPE.info (Birth and Early Parenting Educators). I posted this, but I am sure that it will disappear. I enter this ring ... like All-Star wrestling very rarely, only when I see a colleague getting attacked from behind, like with a metal chair and a multi-tag team approach. So, here's my post.

Hi, Jill --

I just happened to see you were in this nasty web. Having your credentials trashed is par for the course here. Don't take it personally. All you can do is post and run at best. Any one with credentials and information to challenge the status quo, to question the big debate home vs hospital, doctor vs midwife, from the perspective of the baby gets blocked anyway.

As a developmental psychologist, maybe you can address this -- before you get blocked. It does seem logical to me that the human development never ends once the conception occurs. so, that means that whatever is happening in the womb and during the first hours and months of life -- responding, learning in response to the environment -- is also going on during labor and birth. Isn't it rather unscientific and ignorant to think that the experience of the birthing baby isn't processed like every other moment? Whatever we call it -- imprinting or memory -- the experience is recorded in the human baby's brain and body.

This blog won't ever talk about the real needs of the baby. Because obstetrics and midwifery both deny that the baby is an aware, live being, the brain is working, is "online" and recording everything, and that the neocortex and language will develop based on what has happened before, you won't find an audience here. Most people have experienced harsh, rough treatment and interventions. Some take the perspective that it's the way it is and doesn't matter because we don't remember. Ironically, they are the medically trained and entrenched people, or their zombie followers. It is like that hazing mentality. They got through it just fine, so there is no reason to stop doing it. To realize that babies remember birth opens up a whole new level of FEELING ... denial is easier. "Because we have always done it" is easier answer than saying, "OH MY GOD... what have we done and what can do it about." Most of the people here can not go there --- they can not also see the field we belong to as having resources for healing when one has been traumatized.

Suzanne:
"Hey, I bet my babies didn't particularly love being intubated or placed on respirators! I should have told the NICU staff not to bother, as I wouldn't want to cause psychological problems later on!"

This is a perfect example of how the denial belief system that says we should just ignore that babies remember when some babies need interventions. Somehow, the need to do interventions with the knowing that the baby is going to impacted for life doesn't enter into the denial locked mind. WHEN babies need touch and intervention, a simple answer/solution is to do the touch with awareness. Our field believes we should tell the baby what is happening, ask permission, and to support the mother to be supporter of the baby.

Speaking to the baby, holding and comforting the baby before interventions when possible ... in a medical emergency, someone explaining to the baby, acknowledging the pain, the fast past, the separation from the mother and creating a safe environment. But the biggie is in a fast, harsh intervention, and/or on ongoing such as in NICU, the caregiver knowing that the baby is experiencing it and the brain and body will remember, will acknowledge this, maybe not verbally in the moment, but with their touch and regard for the baby. There is a whole field of research and practices for how to help the baby afterwards. This is what the human being needs in every other stage of life...

I was banned here repeatedly for posting what you have about our field and then started Hospitalbirthdebate.blogspot.com. I have done several posts on this over the past year. Feel free to be a guest poster.

As the blogger on hospitalbirthdebate, I was featured on Tales from the Womb. The NICU doctor blasted Dr. Wirth and denied that it is scientific that baby's remember; but who can deny that they experience it? He said on his April 22 post, "So no, I will not be softly and calmly uttering phrases like 'You're dying. Stay calm. I'm going to do an emergent chest tube insertion. It'll probably hurt... a lot, because if I take time to use pain medication, that tension pneumothorax is going to kill you.' to babies in the delivery room. Sorry."

Why not? Why not give a newborn baby struggling for life the same respect we would like to see our child, friend, spouse, or parent receive in their life threatening crisis?

My main point/question to those who feel that since their baby experienced or they are a doctor who does it ... And who can deny that human development is one, long continuum from conception forward? How can you scientifically promote that human being goes into "OFF" or "blob mode" in labor or birth or just because they are in the hospital, or being touched by medically trained people.

There is a middle ground. It IS ok to acknowledge the human newborn AND deliver conscious, gentle, acknowledging care and touch. AND, more importantly, we know HOW to help these babies to not live in the shadow of harsh entry into the world.



Our field is new, cutting edge, and compiling all of the science from multiple fields. She, like most medically trained people who are treating babies as they do, refuse to look at what they are doing -- even when based in science. But then, obstetrics is known, even within medical field, to be non-science based.

I am on my way to California right now to spend a month with David and Donna Chamberlain and our BEPE.info group. I'll have some good posts on this topic this month. And, I am posting this one now.

Janel
Baby Keeper

"Baby Cry"

I am so mesmerized by the Frapr map on this blog and I have been so excited to see new states and countries appear. I call out to my daughter -- "I got an Africa!!" or "Got Paris!! or "Woo hooo, got Japan!" and she rolls her eyes (we have only computer online so all she wants is her turn.) Now, just as the map was filling up and I'd be saying, "Oaaah, c'mon Idaho, I need an Idaho," or "C'mon, Germany", some are disappearing. It's great spring weather here and the windows are open --- my neighbors probably think I am playing the longest game ever of some new version of Monopoly and wish I'll win soon. It's doesn't look likely. "Oh, mama, Paris is gone!" "What happened to Alaska?" Alaska was the first to go, and then Phoenix, then the Kansas visitors, and then Egypt, and Turkey, and China, and a couple in UK. "Dang! Where are all the Californias?" I can't figure out why they are disappearing. Even my friend Peg's has disappeared and she is still here and she didn't remove it.

So, I am being a "baby cry" about it. Waaaaauhuhwaaaauhuhwaaaa uuhuhh waaaaaaaaaaaaah.

When GI Joe was about twelve and someone was being a whiner he would call them a "baby cry." It was more of an observation and acknowledgement than a judgement initially.

His little sister, "Pooh" (as he called her) fussing about wanting something -- "What a baby cry." He did grow to enjoy her tearful reaction a little too much as she got older. Four year olds don't want to be referred to as a baby! Nor, do most adults when they are whining and crying.

His friend complaining about losing the neighborhood hoop contest -- "What a baby cry."

Me fussing about my lunch I ordered at a restaurant -- "Ohahh, what a baby cry." Me fussing about my food is typical -- it's funny to them now. They expect it. I am a good cook, know what I want, and I am paying good money for a dinner, so I want it to be my way. Even if it's cheap I want it to be my way. Do you KNOW how hard it is to get a meatless taco at Taco Bell -- with just the right amount of beans that aren't too dry or too runny?

As I studied pre and perinatal psychology and trauma healing I began to appreciate this GI Joe phrase more -- he has many. A "baby cry" for a toddler, child, teen, or adult is the expression of a very early experience and wounding. It is when we didn't get a need met and we just kept trying and it has become a way of our being and functioning in the world. These also become seen as "bad" or "dysfunctional" or "naughty" (unless you are in UK and it's a term of endearment) behavior in our society. "He's a sore loser." "She's a picky eater." "She's a complainer." "He's a procrastinator."

Everyone of us has done this and we have seen it over and over with our friends, colleagues, and loved ones. It's what makes life and relationships so confusing --- you say or do something that seems pretty harmless and maybe even straight forward and simple. The other person overreacts, totally from what seems to be "left field" for you or completely misses or distorts your intention (or what you think in your neocortex is your intention - we all behave through the perceptions of our baby brain -- Limbic system. Our "inner baby".) The other is more in an emotional body reaction and verbally spewing what seems really unrelated, or is just unable to even articulate what they are feeling. This is a preverbal experience in an adult body. "Baby Cries."

In the Castellino work we learn that physical or emotional pain is "the baby crying". These weird reactions and tantrums people have are their inner baby brain running through their neocortex, learned brain. In the eighties we had the emergence of the concept of the "inner child" and we learned that as adults we had the responsibility to re-parent our wounded child in order to find happiness , harmony, and relationships. It was prominent in the field of drug addiction treatment as the drug addiction is only a symptom of deeper issues. John Bradshaw was an effective author and training. After studying the work of William Emerson, (http://www.emersonbirthrx.com/ and his work in the roots of violence and addiction and healing cord and cesarean I rented video of Bradshaw's PBS presentations. (http://www.creativegrowth.com/johnbio.ht). It was amazing how he and his work already spoke to the conception, prenatal, birth, and early infancy needs of the child. I mean, really, is it logical that if a drunk couple conceives a baby that that person might also have problems with alcohol?

Sooooo, why does it matter to me if my pins on my map are disappearing?? I dunnooooooo, ahhwwwaaa. That's preverbal! I know the energy of it has to do with my primal period and early infancy. So, when something comes up for me, I know it is mine to work. I know that my birth -- drugs to slow and augment, mother supine with saddleblock, tired and frustrated doctor, cord 2-1/2 times, broken clavicle, forceps, immediate cord clamp, separation from my mother -- has led me to my passion to make birth aware, safe, and gentle for every baby. I didn't have my biological impulse for birth and it wasn't aware, gentle, or safe. I didn't get my way. I know that every baby needs to share his or her experience of her birth and have those most important to her acknowledge her. This is where our need for acknowledge comes from. As you know, our need for acknowledgement can get us into very emotional and sometimes pathological situations -- at work, and with friends and loved ones. Birth is both a struggle for the baby and has moment of joy and triumph. I want everyone in the world to know about the new research that supports what the field of pre and perinatal psych is saying. My baby who was so hurt and whose pain was so unacknowledged wants every baby to have a gentle, aware birth. My inner baby wants everyone in the world to know.

An amazing obstetrician, Eva Grundberg, MD, from Venezuela spoke at the Association for Pre and Perinatal Psychology and Health in LA in February. One of the many, many gems was the idea that the breast fed baby, the baby fed on demand, will know trust and believe in prosperity. When the baby cries for the breast and it is right there, the baby will know in HER BODY AND BRAIN that whatever she needs is there. She is not learning struggle and sacrifice -- she is learning trust and available, the secret to prosperity in life. Babies breastfed on demand will not have to have the movie The Secret to have prosperity.

I and my first two children were breastfed but with the conventional thinking of the time that is JUST now being acknowledged as wrong --- that babies SHOULD only be fed every THREE to 4 hours. Now we know they must be fed on demand. As a breastfed baby, I know, want, and trust the "good stuff" (breastfeeding and all that it is) AND fed on a forced schedule, I often have to cry and fuss for awhile before I get it. One of the most significant learnings from the healing work is the concept of honoring our birth as we are healing the violations and disruptions. It also creates our life long journey. Mine sure reflects my early experience. Anyone who enters into the energy of understanding who there are from their primal period learns extraordinary information to shift their lives. It's zero about me ever being like the person who is born at home, in water, unclamped cord, only known and trusted caregivers, and only in my mother's arms and at her breast for three straight days. It's about me accepting me and living in my body.

The adult me knows now that I need to care for and protect my "inner baby" and my adult self is able to find the resources. I managed to do the html code to get the map on there -- I can learn what is going on and how to fix it. I don't have to cry, yell at my dog or daughter, or hit my computer. And, a joy and a resource (that we look for in the birth experience) is that I know that all of us around the world with the passion for making birth aware, gentle, and safe, we are coming together.

Excerpt from Japanese Book on Prenatal Parenting

Parenting Begins From a Baby's Time in the Womb:

What We Know About Prenatal Memories

Original Japanese edition "Onaka No Nakakara Hajimeru Kososdate"

by Akira Ikegawa, MD, PhD., Ikegawa OB/GYN Clinic Director

Translated by Seika Marie Smith

pages 69-71 with commentary by Baby Keeper!

Love Nourishes a sense of independence

The most important thing you can do to nurture your child's independence is to give him a strong sense of security, and the best way to do this is by developing a close relationship. There is nothing difficult about the basics of parenting: it simply begins with a hug.

When the mother embraces her child warmly, the child stops needing to cling to her. They feel reassured when they know they are being accepted just the way the are , and will feel confident enough to test their abilities in the outside world if they know they can always return to the security of their mother no matter what happens.

However, if the child had minimal communication with his mother and has no real sense of being protected, all his energies will be devoted to trying to acquire this sense of security, and there will be none left to use in new adventures.

There is new research by Porges, Schore and others (http://www.trauma-pages.org/) looking at the effects of early violence that show us that the earliest environment and parenting create important brain connections. The brains of the non-abused children/adults differ from those who were abused. Their perceptions of the world and what and who they draw into their world will be a reflection of their earliest care. (Odent, Wirth, Nathanielsz, Lipton, Emerson, Castellino).

If your child comes to you, give him a hug. If he feels scared or sad, just give him a hug. I would like to stress how important it is for mothers to remember these basics.

This seems so easy and so simple, doesn't it? The basics -- the simple pleasures of life and parenting get gobbled up the stress of making a living. Who is available to hug most babies and children? Substitute caregivers, beginning with childcare and continuing through childhood? One of the things I loved about homeschooling my daughter and having the summers off with the older ones when they were growing up is having quality time, and LOTS of it. I begrudgingly and sadly relinquished my children over to childcare and kindergarten, BUT, I was in college, thinking of greater days ahead. I was going to be a big deal and change the world! And, I never liked being away from my child for any reason. I had to work with my first child. I was an aide to a clinical psychologist at a VA hospital. It was a great job that didn't require an education but inspired me to one. I took a camping trip when my older son was about five months old -- less than 1/2 hour away. We got the tent set up. Looked around and each other and realized it was a mistake. We dismantled the tent and went home, much to the dismay of Aunt Linda as I was seen as an "overprotective parent" by not letting everyone hold my baby. Breastfeeding moms always hog their babies, you know.
I am still mad to this day that many, many nights were spent with this son, fighting with this Wild Man to get his homework done. So many nights I hated myself for my reactions to our frustration to finish one more stupid paper of math problems. What did they do all day? I learned in homeschooling it takes about two hours a day to accomplish what they do all day at school. Homework in elementary school, after sitting and working all day? Why? Seeds of "work-aholism" -- all of the "isms" for which we have so many treatments? It's torture for a hyperactive child to sit all day and be quiet... or ... does it and going hugless all day create hyperactivity? I feel like our lives were intruded upon and something beyond my control (because I bought into the status quo) robbed us. He spent all day being chastised and challenged to be quiet. Zero hugs for him or any of our children at school when they feel stressed, sad, scared, lonely, or even happy.
Our children spend the majority of their lives with non-parent, non-relative caregivers who are not LEGALLY allowed to hug and touch a child. I am not dis'in' teachers now, but the fact is our children spend their days with people who may or may not even like them, and who certainly don't hold our beliefs and how we want our child treated. And, how could teachers begin to meet the mulitple needs of multiple children? Why do we expect our children to thrive and spend all day without quality attention, touch, eye contact? Activity and things are substituted. Videos, candy, gold stars, and stickers -- tokens meant to "promote self-esteem" but how many hugs a day does any one child get?

Why are American women so happy to relinquish their bodies and their children to the establishment, beginning with birth and continuing through childhood, while we work to "have it all"? In the name of women's rights? Currently there is a resurgence of the political, somewhat feminist led, effort to improve the conditions for working mothers. Moms Rising, supported by Presidential candidate, Barack Obama, is making a lot of news. http://www.momsrising.com/. The Moms Rising campaign does not even mention birth, and so the mother's experience of giving birth, lying down and drugged is not part of the dialog of concerns for women -- even with media blaring about the increased cesarean rates and prematurity and US standing in infant mortality, about school violence, drug addiction, etc.

How a woman gives birth and how this experience affects a woman personally and in relationship to her child is not addressed in the MOMS Rising or in feminist theory. In fact, in the "feminist" efforts that are typically career, work, and child care focused, the concept of mother-baby attachment is attacked. It is done so vehemently by feminist writers attacking the scientific validity and a new dynamic is building -- a battle between natural birthers, stay-at-home, baby-wearing mamas and the professional, career woman who chooses induction or planned cesarean for personal scheduling reasons (CEO's, physicians, movie stars). Their newborn child is more likely to be cared by others beginning very early. These two opposite ends of the spectrum represent a truly small number of women. (Breastfeeding, thankfully, is spanning the spectrum). Many of us fall somewhere in between but we are bombarded with the expectations of the two extremes. No where along the spectrum is THE BABY and the baby's needs seen as primary. "Children our are greatest resource" is a great but hollow sentiment when one looks at what does the human being, a baby, a child, really need from those who bring him or her into the world and then sees how children really are treated.

Many, many, many infants are now in the care of others. Caring, compassionate people, of course, but they are not with a person who loves them. I was pregnant with GI Joe when I began to watch T. Barry Brazelton, MD on a cable show. He was so amazing with the babies -- I saw how present he was with the babies and with the mothers. I saw how present the babies were with him. One day he said something that changed me as a woman -- struggling with being the mother I wanted and to pursue my work as I wanted. I was beginning my MA program in June after my son's March birth. He said one day, that every baby needs to be in the care of someone who is ga-ga in love with that baby. I felt the truth of it in my body.
Truly, only a mother or father or grandparent is ga-ga in love with the baby. You know the love I am talking about -- the feeling of "I am wanna gobble you up" that comes from such intense feelings of connection that you feel you just can't be "one with" enough with the baby. You want to feel them inside you again. I made a choice to have him only with me or his father. I earned my MA in two years, part-time and in the evenings while his father a professional career person also sacrificed to be with him when I wasn't. It requires sacrifices, but what else better is there to sacrifice for? Looking back, which do I regret more -- not being a big-time career woman or not having enough time with my older children? Do I regret the size of my retirement fund or the idea of house payments til I die, or zero world-wide travel at my leisure? Sure, (anything can happen) but how could driving a Beemer instead of Hyundai or a Honda bring more happiness than the smile of my child, feeling my child in my arms and seeing his glowing eyes, or feeling the soft warmth of his cheek pressed against mine? Or watching her perform in her drama, or relay, or recital? Or, the moment etched in my heart -- homeschooling her in second grade and teaching her read, the feeling of this moment watching her read, and we were sitting side by side, each holding a side of the book and her left had resting on my bare leg. "I am teaching my baby to read." What a feeling and moment it was.

I had lunch with a friend who was the custodial parent for his daughter, now in her twenties. He is an accomplished singer and has jammed with many well-known musicians. He said his real pride and accomplishment is in raising her. We were lamenting those years of raising our young children and both feel sadness (and anger) at watching the treatment of children. We both have urges to exclaim to young parents to cherish every moment with your child, because the moment will be gone, never to be returned. Nature always has a way of healing -- parenting mistakes and regrets make for great grandparents, I understand. I have come to believe that women "can have it all, just not at the same time. (or a man who co-parents as a priority). I truly don't know any woman who is happy with her decision to focus on work and attainment of credentials, belongings, and status and at the end of life will wish she's worked more and spent less time with her children.

When a baby starts to learn how to move around by himself, he will only crawl alongside his mom at first. this is the first step to separating form the precious mother and moving independently. Even when he finally begins to walk, he will sometimes check to make sure his mother is in view, and will not stray very far away.

When he's a little bigger and capable of slightly more distance, he will soon come running back to get a hug from time to time. This is his way of affirming his sense of security and making sure he is being watched over.

Please hug your child tightly at these times. Your child may immediately feel reassured and attempt to run off happily again, but instead of releasing him immediately, hold him tightly for a brief moment more, perhaps until our child even has to tell you, "That's enough!" If you release him straight away, your child may think, "Oh, she has already let go," and feel ever so slight disappointed.

Or, I would suggest, possibly much more than "slightly disappointed." In observing a mother-child dyad I can see their attachment dynamic and it is a reflection of the baby's birth and the experience she or he had in coming to the mother from the womb. For example, a woman birthing by cesarean will have her arms tied down. Her baby is taken by strangers and very roughly handled -- to stimulate breathing because the umbilical cord is cut immediately and blood necessary for physiological breathing is left in the placenta. There is much fear in this experience for the baby. Biologically, the impulse and need is to be with the mother. The struggle for intimacy has begun. The choreography is in place. Their experience can be observed in day to day life.
This child may toddle over to the mother as if to need her and then as mother does or tries to reach to him, he jerks away, falls down, cries, and/or moves away. Or, if she doesn't respond and this makes baby push harder, or hit her. Does this relationship just magically begin in toddlerhood? No, that is unreasonable and illogical. The conception and gestation periods, and come together with the process of labor and birth to create a template. As early as the first hours of life, the baby may not be able to respond to the mother in the way her heart and head expect, and nor can she because of pain and drugs, disappointment and guilt. The newborn and mother who were separated begin to "act out" their experience and perceptions over and over until it becomes an unconscious dance.
When the child is experiencing something fearful or that triggers that early, preverbal memory -- going with a stranger, being left by the mother -- the baby reaches for the mother, but can't connect and can't say, "This FEELS just like ....". The mother may want to connect with her child, but other emotions arise (trauma emotions) and she can not physically respond the way her head wants to. She needs to go to work. She doesn't connect and say goodbye with her WHOLE heart. She does so with a broken, wounded heart. These cycle into repeating experiences of "come here, go away" dynamics. So, the "fussy" or "crying" or "belligerent" two year old who is scared may come to the mother and attempt to connect. He may refuse to look at her, say goodbye or to come to her. He may wail at her from across the room, or lash out at her. WE are taught in traditional medical and psychological training that these are not abnormal, even though our maternal feelings say otherwise.
The toddler is the child, the non-neocortex thinker and is expected to understand and respond. Meanwhile, the adult mother is wrought with emotion she tends to stuff, hide, and deny -- mostly to herself. The child behaves in the best way a two year knows how to do, based on his collective earlier experiences. A mother, the adult, does not understand why this is happening to her and her baby. Those in the business of caring for children don't know and rarely ever attribute it to early attachment issues. Feminists abhor it. Women refuse to believe that the epidural or csection had anything to do with it --- especially if she chose it for her reasons and needs. Her rights. She is also "in her stuff" and frustrations of daily life will respond out of stress in REACTION to the child's behavior. This triggers further emotions from the child. This is their dance. Later in life, we find "partners" who know our dance routine -- even if it feels miserable and our neocortex thinking brain wants the social model.

Eventually, every child will leave home of their own free will. Your children are only under your care for a brief and limited time in life. In a way, "parenting" can be summed up as the gradual process for a mother and child that have become very close.

For a mother in the throes of parenting, the days go by in a blur of rushed activity. There are no doubt many times when she wishes with a sigh that her children would grow up quickly and be able to take care of themselves. However, it is inevitable that children will leave home one day, and when that happens there will be no reverting to those former days spent inseparable with their mother.

Being able to press your cheek against the tender softness of your baby's is a special privilege reserved just for the parents/moms. No matter how hard parenting can seem at times, there will no doubt come a day when you nostalgically reflect upon this period as one of the best of your life. Enjoy and savor this precious time while it lasts.

Oh, mamas, am I here to tell you how true that is. One of my most joyful sensate experiences is to hug one of my children, and cheek to cheek to breathe in the smell of him or her. Oh, mama --- the last time I saw and hugged my GI Joe before he went off to officer training (expecting to see him before he deployed, but sadly, did not), we had that moment that the author speaks of. Hold him tightly for maybe one more brief moment or even until he says enough. I held him until he let go with one more breathe of taking him in and making eye contact with him before separation. THIS is SO what every mother and baby need at birth -- to feel and smell each other and to make eye contact before ANYONE interrupts them.

There is more to a close relationship than just physical hugging. Mothers need to hug their children with their whole heart.

Their WHOLE heart ... and, I wonder, how can a woman freely do that when her own heart has been broken -- by her own mother-daughter relationship, by a less than whole childhood, by wounding of her body and soul in birthing the baby. Our society has a responsibility to honor the HEART of a woman and honor that women are Life Givers, and that to believe and honor that is zero being anti-women's rights or anti-feminist. It is a woman who builds the baby and from whom whose body the baby comes -- that is nature and the way it is. To honor that as perhaps one of the most important contributions she makes zero negates her as a chemist, lawyer, engineer, nurse, teacher, artist, or cook or whatever she might do in the world. Life-giver, nurturer, professional, breadwinner, etc -- these are the parts of the self, part of her WHOLE that only she can connect. To do so, she needs safety, support, nurturance as a woman and a mother -- from her society.

It takes practice to be able to listen attentively to what your child wants to say. Small children don't have a big enough vocabulary, and may find it hard to adequately express themselves. Don't interrupt him or rush to finish his sentences for him, but take the time to listen carefully and embrace him with your heart.

THIS, is one of the key elements of prenatal and birth healing where a primary goal is to heal the breaks in the attachment process at birth.

page 69-71

This booklet is available from Sunmark Publishing, Inc., 2-16-11, Takadanobaba, Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo, 169-0075 Japan. Tel: 81-3-5272-3157, fax: 81-3-5272-3117. Email: rights@sunmark.co.jp. http://wwww.sunmark.cojp/eng/

Fetal Psychology

Psychology Today, October 1998
Source: Psychology Today, Sep/Oct98, Vol. 31 Issue 5, p44, 6p, 4c.
by Janet L. Hopson
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/tul/psychtoday9809.html#

Behaviorally speaking, there's little difference between a newborn baby and a 32-week-old fetus. A new wave of research suggests that the fetus can feel, dream, even enjoy The Cat in the Hat. The abortion debate may never be the same.

The scene never fails to give goose bumps: the baby, just seconds old and still dewy from the womb, is lifted into the arms of its exhausted but blissful parents. They gaze adoringly as their new child stretches and squirms, scrunches its mouth and opens its eyes. To anyone watching this tender vignette, the message is unmistakable. Birth is the beginning of it all, ground zero, the moment from which the clock starts ticking.

Not so, declares Janet DiPietro. Birth may be a grand occasion, says the Johns Hopkins University psychologist, but "it is a trivial event in development. Nothing neurologically interesting happens." Armed with highly sensitive and sophisticated monitoring gear, DiPietro and other researchers today are discovering that the real action starts weeks earlier. At 32 weeks of gestation - two months before a baby is considered fully prepared for the world, or "at term" - a fetus is behaving almost exactly as a newborn. And it continues to do so for the next 12 weeks.

Dr. DiPietro's work is cutting-edge and contributes signficantly to the field of fetal programming and prenatal psychology. She highlightsthe sentience of the gestating baby and provides evidence for the prenatal period being the most critical period of development in the history of the human being. I am, however, surprised that she would then say, "Birth may be a grand occasion, but it is a trivial event in development. Nothing interesting happens." Say, what? Just when ya think someone is brilliant -- but that is the nature of most of scientists who bring us great findings. They are single-minded, focused on their passion and piece of the puzzle -- often unable to see or fit the other pieces together to make a whole picture. Some of us, non-doctors and natural birth advocates and homebirthers, are able to see from a wider perspective and quite capable of putting pieces together. In fact, it is often the inexperienced, young researcher who has the broader scope and asks the most crucial questions that lead to deeper understandings. Listen to Candace Pert's story. "Molecules of Emotion" as a young, female researcher and her discovery of receptor sites that has lead to many advancements.

Back to my point, birth is the journey OF THE BABY'S that transforms one from total dependence upon the mother to being a separate and individual being - physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually - and, yet it is medically and scientifically trivial? And, that folks, is a problem in our society today. As we observe the manifestation of ACOG's seventy-seven years of promotion of birth as dangerous and deathly we see a society of women who are bought into believing that their bodies are dysfunctional and incapable of birthing without interventions. They now buy into the belief that birth is about the woman, about their needs and rights to pain relief - above the logical, physiological knowledge and need of the baby's to be not be born "under the influence" of drugs. Womens' perspective is that the birth is her birth and about her and her needs -- mostly about being "painfree." This is seen in home and hospital births -- the insistence on a homebirth when mother is high-risk or indications are it is not right AND the insistence on having a planned cesarean. Neither necessarily fully consider what is best for the baby. Considering the focus on the mother's experience and her need for easy, painfree birth only gifted by obstetrics and the prenatal 32 week baby being behaviorally similar to the newborn, how is it that birth for the baby, as reported by ascientist, is "trivial?"

Birth is a wondrous experience of both the completion and the beginning of the Baby. In that brief, but perhaps most defining experience of life one does the monumental task of separating from the Mother’s womb and into her arms and to her breasts, in relationship with the Father. Within seconds of this monumental, not at all trival, passage from the womb to the world, the baby's body is transitioning from being a water breathing being to being an air breathing being. Heart valves are transitioning. Every body and organ function done by the mother's body for the baby is now the baby's -- within seconds and minutes these baby previously symbiotic with the mother is now a totally, physiologically independent human. That process has no bearing on the emotions, psychology, physiology, or spiritually of the baby? And, it's not life long? HOW crazy is this thinking that birth is trival and that whatever happens it doesn't matter --- since the belief is that the brain is not functioning and recording during this experience?

From conception forward there is not moment that is not critical to the development of we are as a human. When two cells a sperm and an egg become the one and begin dividing into who one is to be, the baby never ceases to be in relationship to the Mother and the Father’s genetics, perceptions, and life experiences. Every Baby, therefore, is created and birthed in the likeness of the Mother and Father. Conception, gestation, and labor and birth, then, are the one ongoing biological and spiritual journey between three souls that continues throughout the lifetime. Some of us believe that we are unable to progress in our personal and spiritual journey until we deal with who we are at this earliest level -- until we embrace who we are as the union of the sperm and the egg. We can run away and be alienated from our parent, but we are, in essence, that sperm or egg. How they came together, how we were grown in their lives, and how we are birthed is ours. The baby can not get away from it.

A Baby’s birth belongs to this triad of Father-Baby-Mother. Their experience of birth should not be any more of a medical, legal, financial, or politically dictated event than is their conception and gestation of their little one. Birth IS the baby’s birth and she or he is the responsibility of the Mother and Father. Yes, I know fathers are absent, I acknowledge that. My perspective is one from a cellular, energetic perspective. One of the things I now know and believe strongly is that we are the union of our sperm and egg. We are connected to that genetic, ancestral history whether the parent is physically present or not.

With the birthing woman and man’s experience acknowledged, if society were to adopt the attitude that “Birth is about the Baby”, it would not only utterly and profoundly change the way our society treats babies. There would be a scientific, religious, educational, medical, and legal demand to do whatever we do with consciousness -- in vetro fertilization with sperm donor, focus of our resources on supporting mothers in harmonious and healthy gestation, we would not induce baby’s labor, nor use drugs, unless medically necessary and then we would do so with deepest regardless and awareness of how it is impacting the human baby. We would embrace birth as a defining human experience and critical time in brain development.

What about labor and birth?? Why the "black hole" or "black out?"
Every one of these fields, in their scientific literature and language refers to human birth as “pre-natal” and “post-natal. Not one, especially medicine and psychology, acknowledges the biological and scientific fact that the human baby is aware at birth and that the birth experience is a critical time in brain development. Even the most important researchers in my personal study, my academic and scientific heroes whose work provides the foundation for my work (Wirth and Nathanielsz), do not make reference to birth itself; it is pre and post. Even the Kings College of London’s Perinatal Psychiatry web page states, “The Section aims to improve knowledge and understanding about mental illness during pregnancy and postnatally.” Perinatal means the period of birth. Are they then looking at pregnancy and postpartum for answers regarding mental health? That's odd.

We need to look at our languaging -- it illuminates our beliefs and attitudes. We are looking at all sort of issues of the developing human being -- environment, toxins, nutrition, stresses during prenatal and postnatal, but not during labor and birth. First Dr. DiPeitri says the 32 week old fetus is as sentient as a newborn and then says the experience of birth isn't important. What is up with this logic? Drugs, herbs, and hormones to induce that interfere with the baby's hormonal development and initiation of labor and epidural anesthesia with fentanyl and narcotics, hurried labor, forced pushing, or surgical birth is trivial?? And the billions of neurons (most we'll have) at birth are like, what? Shut-off??

Looking at the impact of labor and birth on the baby – body, mind and soul - is a perspective whose time has come. Doctors leaving obstetrics and medicine because of malpractice issues and the United States ranking among the lowest in maternal and infant mortality. Our mental health, social, and educational systems wrangling for money for programs that apparently do not solve the problems; in fact, more children than ever are suicidal, abused, on drugs, with more physical and medical issues than ever in history. Is not time then to look at the totality of the conception through birth process?

We are culturally desensitized to the period of labor and birth. When not specified, our mind does not embrace the concept. This omission is not without a historical reason. Society is in a collective denial. Ninety percent of us of alive in the United States have been born “under the influence” of drugs -- so it is no wonder women who in any other situation would not use drugs for herself or her baby, and father’s who would in another situation be a roaring protective father stand by helpless and numb and watch others manipulate, force, and manhandle their baby.

One hundred years of birthing our babies “under the influence” of drugs, we now have a social collective “Black out” regarding what we are doing to our babies.

Look into the eyes of a newborn and tell me differently

British Sunday Times article, referring to the non-consensual vaginal exams (and other violations) by medical students while a woman is under anesthesia:

"There is nothing to stop a woman bringing a legal action of assault. The only reason no one has done it is because they don't know what's going on." [130] http://upalumni.org/medschool/ob-gyn.html

This is also the case of women in labor and birth and is part of the history that makes birth so violating to women. It is why in doctors and nurses are notoriously numb to the humanity of their person in their care. It is why in teaching hospitals in particular, women are treated like objects and what would be grounds for criminal charges in any other setting. History. Indoctrination. Misuse of power. The insidious, ugly truth is that our current conditions and treatment of women in hospital birth is a long, slow brainwashing accomplished by drugging women, denying the consequences, and ignoring the lifelong consequences to her emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. The impact of the treatment of women on their ability to be healthy, intimate relationships and to fully mother her children is ignored. I can't scream it loud enough --- the human baby is grossly harmed in medically managed birth!!

What is totally ignored is the impact of this experience on the BABY whose birth it is. Everything a mother feels and experiences, her baby experiences -- at every stage and in every second of development, labor, and birth. The lack of respect of the human being coming in is absurd and unconscionable. The human brain at birth as billions of neurons -- the most we'll ever have -- and every one of them is perceiving the environment and biologically making connections based on growth or protection, fear or love, safety or danger. (www.brucelipton.com, www.candacepert.com, www.prenatalparenting.com, www.trauma-pages.org has cutting edge research in the area of consequences of violence on the early brain.)

Consider the last months of pregnancy. Every woman knows what science now confirms. This baby is a fully formed and conscious human being. David Chamberlain, author of the "Mind of Your Newborn Baby" identifies over twelve sensory functions that a gestating baby is capable of. How does our society then ignore that the laboring and birthing baby is not affected by the birth experience. Another crazy contradiction.

There is a divine design to the universe and everything in it, including birth. The compressive forces on the head and chest serve a physiological purpose. We now see that children born by cesarean have high incidence of respiratory and asthma issues -- the amniotic fluid is not forced out before they breathe. Duh.

And, what about the forces upon the head and the scull bones overriding to make the journey? Some these days would use this as the reason for justifying planned cesarean. I'll share a little information from the field of birth trauma healing. You can tell a cesarean born child and adult who was born without labor --- their foreheads are rounded, just like in the in utero pictures of the prenate. You'll also notice they might grind their teeth, have many ear infections, and in general, are "high strung" or wound, easily activated (sometimes agitated and irritated), and generally hyper active children. My grandson was born cesarean without labor. These children are also highly intelligent and he is very verbal and compassionate. Highly intelligent people sometimes don't have a high emotional or relational IQ and end up feeling like strangers in this world. What is the long term mixed bag of consequences of this current experiment?

It is pretty logical -- in a spiritual sense -- that a soul has a plan for this life and so a baby in the womb likely has a plan for their birth. A baby born breech also has physical and behavioral attributes as a result of his or her birth. Literally, the world looks and feels different to them. Our world is better because of diversity and differing perspectives of the world. Either way, a baby born breech vaginally or a child born by planned cesarean because of breech presentations is going to be a human being whose brain sees the world differently from a head-first, vaginal birth.

It's logical and physiological that moving through the pelvis with extreme compressive forces serves an important purpose for the brain and the body, regardless of litigation dictated medicine is forcing upon this numb, drugged population.

Of course, the human born by cesarean is a "normal" person and lives life just fine and appears to be normal. But.... really, what is the consequence of not acknowledging and respecting what is clearly a physiological design for birth (from conception forward)? Beyond what we think and say about the "safety" of cesarean, and how some even now say it is superior (because it eliminates the traumatic birth that IS hospital induced historically!!), it is not safe and it is not without consequence to the human race.

Wake up, America and get off the drugs. See what is happening to women and babies in birth.